Is my child normal? A comprehensive table of childhood development

Is my child normal?

(cringe)

What is normal really? Do you even want your child to be normal?

OK, all anti-main stream philosophical arguments aside, I think most of us parents are interested in at least some kind of baseline mean that gives us an idea as to how our children's behaviours stack up against their peers. This can help as we may become worried about certain behaviours that might be completely developmentally appropriate.

Method

Don't be impressed. I have quite crudely amalgamated a few of the most accepted and researched developmental theories into one, hopefully, cogent and cohesive table. I have looked at theories from Erikkson, Piaget, Freud, and Kohlberg. This is not to be taken as psychology gospel but as a one-stop cheat sheet of what we are likely to expect of our children's psychological development.

Approximate Age	Key Developmental Factors	What to expect
0 – 23 months	Trust vs Mistrust; Sensorimotor development, reducing tension through oral stimulation (soother, thumb sucking, eating etc.)	At this stage, some separation anxiety is expected, as most children do not comprehend object permanence. When something or someone leaves their sight, they may experience anxiety as to whether that person or thing will return. They are trying to figure out, “Can I trust the world”. They are beginning to learn that words and gestures can represent concepts. They are fascinated by cause and effect so they might grab, hit, mouth, or drop items just to explore what will happen. They are finding out whether or not their caregiver (but Mother especially) can and will satisfy their basic needs. Their psychological needs are met by providing regular and dependable affection.
2 – 4 years	Autonomy vs shame, egocentric, magical thinking (inanimate objects might come to life, if I think something it will happen), often focuses on one aspect of a situation rather than the big picture, reduces tension through anal region (waiting until the last minute to expulse waste), motivated by avoidance of punishment and instrumental hedonism	At this stage, children want to explore and learn. Both parents need to show patience and encouragement to the child so that  s/he can develop a sense of autonomy and self-efficacy (ie. I can do this). Keep in consideration that these children may push boundaries towards exploring danger and should be monitored but overall our best action to help them gain a level of independence (ie. Washing, feeding, and clothing self. Using the bathroom on their own as well). Too much restriction instills doubt and a reluctance to try new things. They will start developing specific interest. Their moral decisions are based on avoidance of punishment or possibility of reward (ie. I’ll go potty if it means I get a chocolate).
4 – 6 years	Initiative vs. guilt, children continue to explore, use tools and making art. Still motivated by avoidance of punishment and possibility of reward.	At this stage, children want to express desires through exploration and play. They want to engage in activities just for the sake of doing them. They may initiate activities that are beyond their capabilities and then feel frustration and guilt for not being able to achieve their goal. They may feel guilty in situations that you would not expect would cause guilt.  The family unit can help them set realistic goals and continue to encourage their exploration while maintaining safe boundaries. They may engage in more risky behaviours such as riding a bike without a helmet or crossing the stress by themselves. Guilt comes easily when family members dismiss their desires as silly. You may find that they touch their genitals frequently. This is to reduce stress and feel pleasure but is not ‘sexual’ per se. Their morality is still preconventional in that they refrain from behaviours for fear of getting caught or to gain a reward. They may start to exchange favors to get what they want as they understand that others have different needs and desires than they do.
6 – 12 years	Industry vs Inferiority, self-confidence, “good child” morality, social interaction key in reduction of stress.	At this stage, the child wants to figure out if they can make it in this world, particularly school. Children will now wish to see projects through to completion and will struggle dealing with the demands of learning new skills. They want to be responsible and good for the most part, wishing to maintain law and order. They will be more motivated to share and cooperate than before. They should be capable of handling most of their day-to-day tasks without assistance. They may assert their independence with some talking back. This stage is key for the development of self-confidence and the sense that they can do it. They will be better at putting work before pleasure due to the reward of completing work. They may develop and work toward enhancing special talents. Psychological tension is reduced primarily through social interaction.
13 – 19 years	Identity vs Role confusion, Reluctance to commit, concern with appearance, identity crisis, reawakening of sexual feelings.	At this stage, adolescents are trying to figure out not just who they are but who they can be. They are now much more concerned with how they appear to others. Their sexual development accelerates. They are likely to have mixed feelings about potential roles and how they fit in to society. They are likely to experiment new behaviors and activities but also show a reluctance to commit. It is common to have conflicts with parents over political and religious ideologies. They will start seeking pleasure and comfort from people outside of the family (dating).

(This post is part of my EPPP study guide series in which I am basically writing posts to help crystallize my own learning in preparation for the licencing exam. These might get boring.)