How to Truly Protect your Children
We are not meant to minimize risk, but to optimize it. - Dr. Jordan Peterson
There are so many threats to our children in the world today. We are well aware of the opioid problem, or increased violence that is racially, sexually, or religiously motivated. There are wars and child molesters, there are liberals and conservatives looking to persuade your children to their ideological side. And the video games! Have mercy on us all, the video games!
Our dangerous human run world is full of proverbially hot irons for our children to burn their curious little hands on. And what should we do as parents? Well if our children are young enough we make stern warnings and we control the situation so that no hot iron will be readily available for play time. It's good to take precautions.
But at what age should we be allowing our children to finally use the iron, lest their childhood dread of all things hot prevent them from ironing a shirt? Isn't that what we are experiencing today? We have all sorts of institutions, technologies and protective people in our lives that are doing such a good job at keeping us safe that we have dozens of essential human activities that we either don't have to do or don't have a clue how to do.
Speaking of things hot. We have somehow conditioned my four year old to fear burning herself with hot water from the tap that she refuses to bath unless it's near frigid waters. There's nothing wrong with that I guess but she's missing out on the relaxing feeling of a warm bath. How many "warm" beneficial activities and experiences are our kids missing out on for the sake of "cold" safety?
When the time is right, we have to have the courage as parents to let our children figure life out and we need to realize that a lot of that figuring out needs to happen without us. I'm not suggesting we send them in blind, but we do have to "send them in" eventually. And if we want them to have the highest likelihood of success when they're in there, we need to equip them with the skills and experience and mindset necessary to take on these new challenges.
Competence is what will ultimately provide our kids with the highest likelihood of safety and protection. Kids naturally engage in risky play. This is their attempt at challenging the world in a way that they are likely to emerge victorious. They naturally want a challenge. They skateboard and climb trees to test nature and their own ability to manage it. Without opportunities like this they are handicapped by both a lack of competence and a lack of confidence. As they get older they will avoid all risks, being doomed to stay in their safe but freezing bathtub.
Paradoxically, it is by gradually and appropriately introducing risk and challenge to our children that we create the safest possible outcomes. Consider it a risk inoculation.
This is of course a balancing act that we as parents will inevitably and constantly screw up, erring on either side of order and chaos, sometimes multiple times in a day, but it provides an aim at least.
Safety and confidence comes from competence, which comes from struggle, risk, and perseverance.
There are so many threats to our children in the world today. We are well aware of the opioid problem, or increased violence that is racially, sexually, or religiously motivated. There are wars and child molesters, there are liberals and conservatives looking to persuade your children to their ideological side. And the video games! Have mercy on us all, the video games!
Our dangerous human run world is full of proverbially hot irons for our children to burn their curious little hands on. And what should we do as parents? Well if our children are young enough we make stern warnings and we control the situation so that no hot iron will be readily available for play time. It's good to take precautions.
But at what age should we be allowing our children to finally use the iron, lest their childhood dread of all things hot prevent them from ironing a shirt? Isn't that what we are experiencing today? We have all sorts of institutions, technologies and protective people in our lives that are doing such a good job at keeping us safe that we have dozens of essential human activities that we either don't have to do or don't have a clue how to do.
Speaking of things hot. We have somehow conditioned my four year old to fear burning herself with hot water from the tap that she refuses to bath unless it's near frigid waters. There's nothing wrong with that I guess but she's missing out on the relaxing feeling of a warm bath. How many "warm" beneficial activities and experiences are our kids missing out on for the sake of "cold" safety?
When the time is right, we have to have the courage as parents to let our children figure life out and we need to realize that a lot of that figuring out needs to happen without us. I'm not suggesting we send them in blind, but we do have to "send them in" eventually. And if we want them to have the highest likelihood of success when they're in there, we need to equip them with the skills and experience and mindset necessary to take on these new challenges.
Competence is what will ultimately provide our kids with the highest likelihood of safety and protection. Kids naturally engage in risky play. This is their attempt at challenging the world in a way that they are likely to emerge victorious. They naturally want a challenge. They skateboard and climb trees to test nature and their own ability to manage it. Without opportunities like this they are handicapped by both a lack of competence and a lack of confidence. As they get older they will avoid all risks, being doomed to stay in their safe but freezing bathtub.
Paradoxically, it is by gradually and appropriately introducing risk and challenge to our children that we create the safest possible outcomes. Consider it a risk inoculation.
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| Image from the Art of Manliness |
Safety and confidence comes from competence, which comes from struggle, risk, and perseverance.
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