The Psychology of...

How do you spend your time? How do you spend your money? How do you spend your space? Judging by the stats on debt-to-service ratios, stress levels, and storage units I can safely predict that many of you reading this do not have a firm control over your expenses and perhaps more importantly you are not even sure why you spend your time, money , and space in the way that you do. Let me quickly answer the why question... To make you happy. We invest our time, our money, our effort, and our space with the hopes of gaining fulfillment, engagement, peace, and purpose. We want love and respect and rest and connection. To sum it up, for lack of a better term, we want happiness. And despite running deficits, financially and emotionally; despite having full schedules and full credit cards and even fuller houses (couldn't resist), we end up feeling less satisfied than ever. We are terrible investors when it comes to our most valuable resources. Enter the minimalist movement. Firs

            After spending the first few months of the school year teaching elementary students positive psychology I decided to assess their learning by having them apply the theory of flourishing to the Christmas break. Here is a compilation of the tips given by kids at Nicholas Sheran and General Stewart elementaries. 1) Eat mindfully - There is very little more exciting to me around Christmas time than planning out the holiday meals. Fish and pasta on Christmas Eve, Roast dinner on Christmas day, boxing day crepes, it's like overeating is a time honoured Christmas tradition. But why would I dishonour the most delicious meals of the year by eating it so mindlessly and rushed? Eating mindfully is about truly experiencing your food with all of your senses. Letting its deliciousness spark the reward centre of your brain and give you ultimate pleasure. Eating slowly and with intention will help you to not just enjoy your meal more than ever but to embed its sentimental

Your superior at work tells a racially insensitive joke and you want to speak up but fear repercussions. You have a political belief that departs from your family's traditions and you sit at the table biting your tongue. You negotiate your vacation time with your new employer. You feel depressed and you wish so badly to tell someone you love but the possibility that they will not be emotionally available or supportive scares you into secrecy. As human beings we are constantly put into positions where our boundaries and values get tested. We wish so badly to have the courage and self-worth to stand up for ourselves but sadly, many of us put other's needs above our own, causing resentment and an overwhelming sense of defeat. We punish ourselves for lacking a spine and vow to be more assertive the next time. We are trapped in what sociologists call a double bind. You are damned if you do. Doomed if you don't. If you speak up you risk being rejected but if you don'

Wave of ethnic killings in South Sudan town 'could evolve into genocide,' UN warns - CBC News "Terrible..." (Waits a few seconds to show an "appropriate" level of concern) ..."OMG Kendall Jenner quit Instagram?!" We live in the age of information. We have access to most of what is going on anywhere on the globe 24/7. In our day and age with our resources we should hear stories like this on a Thursday, call  up our elected officials or non-profit organizations on Friday and organize an intervention on Monday to prevent any more unnecessary human suffering... right? Alain de Botton wrote a ground-breaking book called News: A User's Manual in which he explains what the news could be and should be. I recommend it. Here is a link to a talk he gave at google which sums up his book. One of the most poignant arguments he makes is that when it comes to world news we are parachuted in for spectacularly horrendous events for a moment and

It's National Addictions Awareness Week here in Canada when we get a chance to shine a light on the effects that substance and behaviour addictions have on individuals, families, societies and the nation as a whole. I started my career as a therapist working with a specific population of people who struggle with addictive behaviours. I had the privilege of being invited into the exclusive and very personal space that is the heart and mind of a person in recovery. It's challenging work that requires a specific set of skills and theoretical orientation. And now I'm an elementary school counsellor. What business do I have working with children ages 6-11 given my background in addictions counselling? (Not to mention my lack of experience in play therapy which I'm working on). I think one of the hardest parts of working with adults in recovery is that they are constantly lamenting the fact they felt neglected and overlooked as children in some significant way. Many f

Not many Canadians were expecting last night's US election results, nor the Brexit results that came before that. There is no denying that there is significant momentum for nationalism, protectionism, and fiscal conservatism that most would say is fueled by fear and frustration. But should progressive Canadians be concerned about a similar shift on our home soil? Absolutely. We are not immune to it. Kellie Leitch is gaining support as the leader of the federal Conservative party and is unabashedly calling for Trump like policies to be brought to Canada. In Alberta we just need to look to the PC leadership race that is currently taking place. Recently, the two women in the race for PC leadership dropped out due to an almost violent reaction to their support for even the slightest progressive ideals. Most who follow the race are expecting a Jason Kenney victory which would shift the PC party to the right of where it has been over the last decade or so.  True cons

In Canadian politics, (and I'm sure in most if not all democracies) we have a system in which political parties, with their carefully marketed brands and historically established norms, compete for our check-mark every four years or so. They take our vote and then draft policy, pass bills, and make decisions on our behalf. The only power we hold over them is that in a few years we go back to the polls so that we can "hold them accountable". My observation is that conservatives get into power long enough to pass policy that discourages enough liberals to mobilize themselves to the extent to which they can then elect a liberal government, then the liberals do the same. Back and forth. The Left stays in long enough to raise taxes on the rich. The right stays in long enough to lower corporate taxes... yadda yadda yadda. It's absurd these days to suggest that a good idea could get bipartisan support in parliament or congress. In the US we've seen 8 years of congress

po·lit·i·cal cor·rect·ness noun the avoidance, often considered as taken to extremes, of forms of expression or action that are perceived to exclude, marginalize, or insult groups of people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against. In my attempt to try and genuinely understand why so many good and intelligent people are still supporting Donald Trump for POTUS I keep stumbling across the general frustration with "liberal PCness" gone amok. If I understand correctly, conservatives  feel like their freedom of speech has been threatened and limited by the liberal media. That their favourite jokes are now scorned. Their ideologies are unpopular. Their worldview is devalued. All of this makes being mainstream seem shameful. White, heterosexual, cysgendered, males are the enemy! As far as I can see, I agree that there is an argument that in the attempt to stick up for the little guy we have overzealously created some unnecessary conflict. Wh

I love education. I love learning. I love learning about how to be a better person. Which is why I am often left with an uneasy feeling whenever the topic of morals in public schools is brought up. I have been working in the school system for seven years, across various grades, schools, and school divisions and my experience tells me that morality is being taught to our kids more than ever before. Anyone that says to me that morals are no longer taught in school has obviously not spent time in today's classrooms. I have observed lessons on kindness to others, gratitude, teamwork, self-regulation, respect, delayed gratification, multiculturalism, healthy relationships, etc. You get the point. I think where most parents who have this concern are coming from is an issue not with the absence of morals but the source of them. Parents assume that since values aren't being taught from a religious point of view then they aren't values at all. The institution of education, whil

In 2012 Charles Duhigg wrote a best-selling book called the Power of Habit  in which he discusses the concept that there are "keystone habits" that act as a sort of behavioural linchpins. Having worked extensively in behaviour addictions I saw this concept in action. I observed that some people have habits that, while not taking up much of their day, permeate every aspect of their lives, and in the case of my clients, for the worse. It was incredible to see how many other behavioural changes occurred when people started exercising regularly or stopped looking at pornography.  Just one change was initiating a domino effect, providing the individual with the impetus and the motivation to tackle their other previously impossible goals. I have observed this phenomenon recently with my wife Sarah. With her permission I share her story. We have two beautiful girls and on the surface it appears that we have a perfect life. Most people, even in our closest of circles, were not

A few years ago Drs. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson wrote one of the most helpful parenting books I have ever read;  The Whole Brain Child . I think every parent should read it... twice. One of the most effective strategies presented in the book is the "Connect & Redirect" approach to dealing with an emotionally escalated child. The more I use this technique with children however, the more I realize that it works just as effectively with EVERYONE. Not just as a technique to get someone to stop freaking out but a skill that will allow you to maintain and even improve your relationships, even in times of distress. Let me explain, We are all aware of the neurological concept of a left and right hemisphere. The left hemisphere is logical and linear while the right is more emotional and experiential. Small children have not developed their left hemisphere sufficiently enough to rationalize their way through some problems so they experience elevated emotional states.

"Failure is instructive" - John Dewey. I made this post in 2016 and in light of the last few days I think it's time to update it. Just to be clear, this is not a pity party. I heard of the idea from a Ted Talk and the idea is that we celebrate our failures so that we highlight the incredible risk of trying difficult things. I don't regret anything on this list. Unsuccessful initiatives 2019 - Placed in a distant third in my bid for MLA in Lethbridge West  2017 - Participated in my first and only professional wrestling match in which I botched a move twice and then got submitted with very painful "camel clutch" in front of my family. 2016 - Charter school in Lethbridge did not pass local school district phase. 2015 - Rejected by publisher for my book of affirmations. 2014 - Private practice not busy enough for full-time work. 2013 - Did not complete Master's thesis research; graduated with project instead. (supposedly closing the do

It has been a long while since I shared anything but given that we are heading into a new school year and my focus has shifted towards elementary school counselling I thought I would share what I think are essential elements for our youngsters to have a great year. These ideas are adapted primarily from Dr. Martin Seligman who is considered the father of Positive Psychology. He laid out a framework for well-being which I believe fits across age levels, The acronym to help you remember this framework is P.E.R.M.A. ( P ositive emotion, E ngagement, R elationships, M eaning, and A chievement ). Each facet of PERMA is separate although interconnected piece of your child's "have a good year" puzzle. I am going to briefly explain some empirically supported strategies to help you help your child develop each of these facets so that they can be happier and more successful this year. Positive Emotions Before I launch into the admittedly overly optimistic and sometimes naive