Post-Traumatic Growth
Terrible things happen in the world every day and we are becoming more and more aware of how human beings react to these events. When we think of traumatic experiences we typically think of the horrors of war, natural disasters, or heinous crimes. In my work I see the devastating and often traumatizing effects of serial infidelity due to an addiction.
One of the most common and normal responses to trauma is a shattered belief about the self, others, and the future. Your entire world changes and it takes a while to make sense of this new reality that you've been handed. If you are experiencing this after a traumatic life event, this does not necessarily mean you have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
In the case of a partner of a sex addict, she might begin to question her own worth or beauty. She would wonder how she could have missed what are now blatantly obvious signs that something was amiss. Her ability to trust her husband or men in general could be completely shattered. Her understanding of morality, the universite, or God's ultimate plan may also come into question.
At this point people tend to go one of two ways. First, these shattered beliefs can spiral quite quickly into the crippling depression and anxiety that comprises PTSD. Or, the person can reach out to others, create a new trauma narrative, and gain deeper insight into the greater cause or causes to which she contributes. By grieving the losses and then expressing gratitude for the blessings people can frame themselves as trauma survivors instead of trauma sufferers. They can emerge from the rubble and grow stronger than before. This is post-traumatic growth.
We've seen it in literature and history time and time again. From the children of Israel to Amy Smart. From Jesus Christ to Jean Valjean. We find great transcendent meaning in the post-traumatic growth exhibited by those who rise out of their struggles to tell a story of survival and progress.
I have witnessed women who have come to a place where they are now grateful for their husband's addiction because it was through that refining fire that they were able to transform their relationship to one that is based on honesty, authenticity, vulnerability, and intimacy.
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." - Haruki Murakami
We don't hope for trauma in our lives but we can hope to take life's bumps and scrapes as opportunities for deep and lasting growth.
One of the most common and normal responses to trauma is a shattered belief about the self, others, and the future. Your entire world changes and it takes a while to make sense of this new reality that you've been handed. If you are experiencing this after a traumatic life event, this does not necessarily mean you have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
In the case of a partner of a sex addict, she might begin to question her own worth or beauty. She would wonder how she could have missed what are now blatantly obvious signs that something was amiss. Her ability to trust her husband or men in general could be completely shattered. Her understanding of morality, the universite, or God's ultimate plan may also come into question.
At this point people tend to go one of two ways. First, these shattered beliefs can spiral quite quickly into the crippling depression and anxiety that comprises PTSD. Or, the person can reach out to others, create a new trauma narrative, and gain deeper insight into the greater cause or causes to which she contributes. By grieving the losses and then expressing gratitude for the blessings people can frame themselves as trauma survivors instead of trauma sufferers. They can emerge from the rubble and grow stronger than before. This is post-traumatic growth.
We've seen it in literature and history time and time again. From the children of Israel to Amy Smart. From Jesus Christ to Jean Valjean. We find great transcendent meaning in the post-traumatic growth exhibited by those who rise out of their struggles to tell a story of survival and progress.
I have witnessed women who have come to a place where they are now grateful for their husband's addiction because it was through that refining fire that they were able to transform their relationship to one that is based on honesty, authenticity, vulnerability, and intimacy.
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." - Haruki Murakami
We don't hope for trauma in our lives but we can hope to take life's bumps and scrapes as opportunities for deep and lasting growth.
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