Changing Compulsive $pending Behaviours
Money is one of our culture's deepest taboos. You can't talk about how much you make or spend or save or invest although we still find not so subtle ways of getting that same point across.
Financial status is our culture's ultimate litmus test of success. In our culture your salary, your possessions, and your bank account define you so when you feel like your spending habits are out of control, when your debt keeps piling on, or your relationships are crumbling due to financial infidelity, the last thing you want to do is tell anyone or admit to anything. This is when people crawl further into hiding where the addiction thrives.
It's estimated that 6% of Americans (and Canadians wouldn't be much different) struggle with spending compulsively. Keep in mind that behaviours aren't considered addictions until they cause significant distress and complications in one's life. In the case of this issue distress may come in many forms. Arguments over money and spending are the primary reason for couple's conflict or divorce. Overbearing debt significantly effects quality of life and the ability to progress.
If you or someone you know is heading down this path here are a few things to consider looking into:
1) Emotional regulation: Buying new toys or finding a great deal provides a steady stream of dopamine or pleasure. This is a good thing. However, when it becomes the go to method of getting dopamine or even the only method, then life can start to get very expensive. Shopping can help manage stress, depression, or any other emotion but is that really what you want for an emotional thermostat? Counselling provides an excellent way to learn skills to effectively manage your emotions without resorting to addictive behaviour.
2) Financial Literacy: Everybody is ready and willing to give you financial advice but it's important to consider where it's coming from. Bankers and financial advisers are incentivized to sell you a product which can often skew the "free" advice they give you. Try and find someone who knows what they are talking about and who is not trying to sell you something. I know just the guy if you're interested.
3) Behavioural modification: Sometimes you have behaviours that lead you right into the vendor's snare. With a trained addiction specialist you can examine behaviours, situations, emotions, and other stimuli that might quietly but swiftly lead you to the cash register. Figure out some bottom lines that you and at least one other person will hold yourself accountable to. Maybe you need to go on an all cash system for a while and ditch the plastic, maybe you need to avoid the malls and sporting goods stores when you're frustrated or anxious, maybe you can't be alone on the computer lest you spend the entire night on Ebay. Find someone with whom you can be rigorously honest and who can hold you accountable.
4) Buy happiness: Essentially when you buy the jewelry or the new runners what you're really buying is happiness. The sense of elation of getting something new is quite powerful.... and fleeting. Using our hard earned money to buy things who's appeal rapidly decrease is a poor investment. Studies have shown that people who give their money away are happier than those who spend it on themselves. If you put your money towards some purpose that is greater than yourself it is called being altruistic which is linked with all sorts of positive feelings and consequences. Use your money to bolster a cause that is meaningful to you. Use your money to fulfill you dreams. Use your money to buy time by outsourcing some of the work you need done. This way you can spend time doing the things that really make you happy ie. spend time with that family you started a few years back.
p.s. Having seen remarkable results from using group therapy for sex and food addiction treatment, there is strong evidence that compulsive spending could be treated effectively with the same model. Message or email me (zrhodenizer@gmail.com) if you think this is an idea worth pursuing (keep in mind I am in Southern Alberta, Canada so if you're looking for a group like this and you live elsewhere I can't really help you aside from possible skype consultations).
Financial status is our culture's ultimate litmus test of success. In our culture your salary, your possessions, and your bank account define you so when you feel like your spending habits are out of control, when your debt keeps piling on, or your relationships are crumbling due to financial infidelity, the last thing you want to do is tell anyone or admit to anything. This is when people crawl further into hiding where the addiction thrives.
It's estimated that 6% of Americans (and Canadians wouldn't be much different) struggle with spending compulsively. Keep in mind that behaviours aren't considered addictions until they cause significant distress and complications in one's life. In the case of this issue distress may come in many forms. Arguments over money and spending are the primary reason for couple's conflict or divorce. Overbearing debt significantly effects quality of life and the ability to progress.
If you or someone you know is heading down this path here are a few things to consider looking into:
1) Emotional regulation: Buying new toys or finding a great deal provides a steady stream of dopamine or pleasure. This is a good thing. However, when it becomes the go to method of getting dopamine or even the only method, then life can start to get very expensive. Shopping can help manage stress, depression, or any other emotion but is that really what you want for an emotional thermostat? Counselling provides an excellent way to learn skills to effectively manage your emotions without resorting to addictive behaviour.
2) Financial Literacy: Everybody is ready and willing to give you financial advice but it's important to consider where it's coming from. Bankers and financial advisers are incentivized to sell you a product which can often skew the "free" advice they give you. Try and find someone who knows what they are talking about and who is not trying to sell you something. I know just the guy if you're interested.
3) Behavioural modification: Sometimes you have behaviours that lead you right into the vendor's snare. With a trained addiction specialist you can examine behaviours, situations, emotions, and other stimuli that might quietly but swiftly lead you to the cash register. Figure out some bottom lines that you and at least one other person will hold yourself accountable to. Maybe you need to go on an all cash system for a while and ditch the plastic, maybe you need to avoid the malls and sporting goods stores when you're frustrated or anxious, maybe you can't be alone on the computer lest you spend the entire night on Ebay. Find someone with whom you can be rigorously honest and who can hold you accountable.
4) Buy happiness: Essentially when you buy the jewelry or the new runners what you're really buying is happiness. The sense of elation of getting something new is quite powerful.... and fleeting. Using our hard earned money to buy things who's appeal rapidly decrease is a poor investment. Studies have shown that people who give their money away are happier than those who spend it on themselves. If you put your money towards some purpose that is greater than yourself it is called being altruistic which is linked with all sorts of positive feelings and consequences. Use your money to bolster a cause that is meaningful to you. Use your money to fulfill you dreams. Use your money to buy time by outsourcing some of the work you need done. This way you can spend time doing the things that really make you happy ie. spend time with that family you started a few years back.
p.s. Having seen remarkable results from using group therapy for sex and food addiction treatment, there is strong evidence that compulsive spending could be treated effectively with the same model. Message or email me (zrhodenizer@gmail.com) if you think this is an idea worth pursuing (keep in mind I am in Southern Alberta, Canada so if you're looking for a group like this and you live elsewhere I can't really help you aside from possible skype consultations).
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