What do I do when my child looks at porn?


You may feel like throwing the Iphone or the computer in the garbage if you've seen your child's browsing history but here are 3 things you want to keep

1.  Keep Perspective - In the world we live in now it is extremely rare to find a young man who hasn't seen pornography. Most boys will say they haven't ... they have. At least half of all girls have as well. It may go against your moral expectations and you are justified in your concern but keep in mind that it is a virtual give-in. Do not feel like yours is the only child that looks at porn.

2.  Keep Your Cool- The cover up is worse than the crime. In general and certainly when it comes to sexuality we want our kids to be open and honest with us. This is how we can best be certain that they are safe and regain trust and confidence. If you drop the hammer on them you risk driving them further into isolation and lessening the likelihood of them ever telling you of there struggles again. Studies show that the teens who least engaged in risky online behaviours were those who felt comfortable telling their parents about what they see and do online. The teens who felt oppressed or that Mom and Dad were lurking around every corner to catch them tended to act out even more. If the perceived consequences of telling you outweigh the perceived benefits then be sure that they will hide it. Teens who hide this from their parents are likely to continue the behaviours and hide them from their spouses/partners.

3. Keep Talking About Sex - Shame breeds isolation and addiction. As awkward as it might be, try and change the tone in your house around sex and sexuality. Talk about what makes it great when in a committed relationship between consenting adults (and according to your value system). Talk about the emotional benefits and risks of a sexual relationship. Talk about how pornography is a distorted representation of what sex really is. Let them hear it from you on a regular basis. If not from you then they will learn plenty online. That thought might terrify you... Talk about that too! Talk of your fears and concerns and hopefully your son or daughter can do the same. If you try and ignore what has happened then you send the message that either it isn't important or it's soooo bad that even mentioning S-E-X is unacceptable (thus reaffirming the child's belief that he or she is bad for having those desires).

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Restoring the heart of Te Fiti

Image
Can you recall a time when you felt attacked? Maybe it was a physical attack if you were so unfortunate but I'm primarily thinking of an attack of a more emotional variety. Recall the visceral response of defense that was triggered in your body. Your desire to find safety through either running away and hiding or striking back with equal or greater force than what was originally thrust upon you. Were you able then to identify the limits of your humanity as you sought or at least fantasized about retribution? Are you able to recall those extremes today? When we are hurt, backed up against a wall, scared; we have a defense strategy that typically lies dormant underneath layers of personality and humanity that, when surfaced, is capable of remarkably terrible behaviour. Our fear can incite and invoke our fiercest monsters. The monsters of some lie closer to the surface that those of others but rest assured we all have them and they when they arise they are looking for conflict becau
Read more

What you SHOULD NOT learn from '13 Reasons Why'

Image
I heard a lot of buzz around this new show on Netflix called '13 Reasons Why' which was about a teenage girl who sent tapes to kids in her high school explaining why she had killed herself. My first impression was that this was going to be teenage drama trash and I had no interest in watching it. I was certain that the critics were bang on with their assessment that this was a terrible show for teens and that it could be a contributing factor to the glamorization and misunderstanding of suicide that I have seen, having worked in a high school with a history of such tragedy. The hub-bub was growing beyond your regular teen drama however, and as people started asking my take on the show, I began considering watching the series so that I could give an honest opinion. Throw in the fact that my wife was also curious and she and I rarely find a show that piques both our interests, and we had enough reasons to watch '13 Reasons' every night after our kids were in bed. So l
Read more

Political Psychology Lesson #1 - The Dunning-Kruger Effect

Image
"A little knowledge is a dangerous thing." - Alexander Pope Hello everyone, I'm Zac Rhodenizer, the Alberta Party candidate for Lethbridge West and I'm sharing some tips from the field of psychology that can help us make sense of the election on the horizon. I'm going to start with the Dunning-Kruger effect which states that the more knowledge and expertise a person has in a given subject, especially one as complex and nuanced as politics, economics, or human behaviour, the less certain that person is in their assertions. This is because as you start to understand how complex the issues are you start to "know what you don't know" and it induces a sort of intellectual humility. You may have a better idea about what is likely to be the case but you avoid black and white statements of absolute truth, because you know better. In contrast, when you know a little bit in a given field, you tend to overestimate your competence level. Nobody knows more
Read more