The Psychology of...

In 2012 Charles Duhigg wrote a best-selling book called the Power of Habit  in which he discusses the concept that there are "keystone habits" that act as a sort of behavioural linchpins. Having worked extensively in behaviour addictions I saw this concept in action. I observed that some people have habits that, while not taking up much of their day, permeate every aspect of their lives, and in the case of my clients, for the worse. It was incredible to see how many other behavioural changes occurred when people started exercising regularly or stopped looking at pornography.  Just one change was initiating a domino effect, providing the individual with the impetus and the motivation to tackle their other previously impossible goals. I have observed this phenomenon recently with my wife Sarah. With her permission I share her story. We have two beautiful girls and on the surface it appears that we have a perfect life. Most people, even in our closest of circles, were not ...

A few years ago Drs. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson wrote one of the most helpful parenting books I have ever read;  The Whole Brain Child . I think every parent should read it... twice. One of the most effective strategies presented in the book is the "Connect & Redirect" approach to dealing with an emotionally escalated child. The more I use this technique with children however, the more I realize that it works just as effectively with EVERYONE. Not just as a technique to get someone to stop freaking out but a skill that will allow you to maintain and even improve your relationships, even in times of distress. Let me explain, We are all aware of the neurological concept of a left and right hemisphere. The left hemisphere is logical and linear while the right is more emotional and experiential. Small children have not developed their left hemisphere sufficiently enough to rationalize their way through some problems so they experience elevated emotional states. ...

"Failure is instructive" - John Dewey. I made this post in 2016 and in light of the last few days I think it's time to update it. Just to be clear, this is not a pity party. I heard of the idea from a Ted Talk and the idea is that we celebrate our failures so that we highlight the incredible risk of trying difficult things. I don't regret anything on this list. Unsuccessful initiatives 2019 - Placed in a distant third in my bid for MLA in Lethbridge West  2017 - Participated in my first and only professional wrestling match in which I botched a move twice and then got submitted with very painful "camel clutch" in front of my family. 2016 - Charter school in Lethbridge did not pass local school district phase. 2015 - Rejected by publisher for my book of affirmations. 2014 - Private practice not busy enough for full-time work. 2013 - Did not complete Master's thesis research; graduated with project instead. (supposedly closing the do...

It has been a long while since I shared anything but given that we are heading into a new school year and my focus has shifted towards elementary school counselling I thought I would share what I think are essential elements for our youngsters to have a great year. These ideas are adapted primarily from Dr. Martin Seligman who is considered the father of Positive Psychology. He laid out a framework for well-being which I believe fits across age levels, The acronym to help you remember this framework is P.E.R.M.A. ( P ositive emotion, E ngagement, R elationships, M eaning, and A chievement ). Each facet of PERMA is separate although interconnected piece of your child's "have a good year" puzzle. I am going to briefly explain some empirically supported strategies to help you help your child develop each of these facets so that they can be happier and more successful this year. Positive Emotions Before I launch into the admittedly overly optimistic and sometimes naive...

Many parents fight vehemently for the right to be the sole sex educator for their children.  The idea of letting some stranger (nurse, teacher, counsellor) who may or may not share the parent's values, talk to their kids about a topic so delicate and important as sex might be unsettling.  Parents reserve the right to be in charge of their children's sex education and I don't argue against that. A teacher, nurse, or counsellor is not the perfect way to teach your child about sex but I think we need to admit that putting the onus entirely on the parent is not perfect either.  For many parents the sex talk is a dreaded, awkward, one time event which is swiftly pushed into the far reaches of the memories of everyone involved.  I haven't met many parents who look forward to the sex talk with their kids. But let's be honest. Is there really one neat set of facts about sex that we can share with our kids when we deem them ready and then call it done, never to be spoken...

Do you remember getting in trouble for saying the word penis?  Whether it was a verbal warning, soap in the mouth, or "that look" that told you not to repeat that word again in public, many of you can probably recall the time that you found out that certain body parts were shameful. I admit, hearing the names of genitalia come out of children's mouths is unsettling but when this happens we adults have an important teaching opportunity that we can't squander. So your kid says vagina in public... you might be embarrassed... but let's consider the alternative and unfortunately more common result. Kids learn that words like penis and vagina are shameful first because Mom and Dad won't even say them. Parents opt for "less threatening" euphemisms. Adults scoff and overreact if kids do use the actual words, reinforcing the idea that their genitals and the words for them are bad. Then, from media or peers, kids learn new words to represent ...

There are a lot of Facebook posts and blogs going around that demonize pornography. Critics respond to these posts by blaming ultra conservative, right-wing religions for imposing their brand of morality on the rest of the world. "Stay out of our bedrooms," they demand. To which I reply, gladly. Here is where I have a problem with the porn industry. Most people's conceptualization of mainstream pornography is silicone injected women posing nude or being filmed performing sex acts (which, despite being extremely objectifying, is seen as relatively tame or harmless by most people). The truth is, 88% of the most viewed pornography depicts violent acts ( Bridges, A. J., Wosnitzer, R., Scharrer, E., Sun, C., & Liberman, R. (2010) . We are not talking about steamy skin flicks that little Johnny might stumble across randomly. Online pornography provides instant and free access to any deviant or violent sexual act you could dream of. Young people these days are growing up...