Death Education

Thesis: death education should be implemented in the health curriculum.

Rationale: Let me ask this first...

Does doing well in school translate into being a successful human being?

Yes... but the correlation is not as strong as we would hope. We have people like myself who do well in school but then felt incredibly under-prepared for life. In the research world we call that a Type I error. A false positive. The test (my schooling and more particularly my grades) says that I will be successful but then the outcome is less than expected (I'm doing ok now but for a while it wasn't going so hot).

Then there is the Type II error, or false negative. People who struggle to get good grades in school but then do remarkably well in career, family, health, and pretty much every other metric we might use to evaluate the overall awesomeness of one's life. I think our system makes more Type II errors than Type I personally.

You might say, "yeah but nobody said school was about making people successful." Maybe school is meant to get them to a certain competence in general knowledge and ability and then let them figure out the rest. School is academics. Not philosophy or religion. The goal is to produce intelligent and skilled humans, not necessarily happy ones.

If you agree with this previous paragraph then you will probably not agree with what I'm about to say. I personally think that school is the most efficient way to get essential human life knowledge to the masses. Public school for the most part and in most places is universally provided which means you aren't going to miss many souls if you have an important message to send them. It can at least get the conversation started so that more in depth study on a topic can continue at home with family or on one's own.

Enter death. There are only two guarantees in life and by the time we graduate high school we have zero clue about either. Isn't this a giant misfire? Imagine if the same amount of time was spent teaching us about taxes as there is teaching us about sedentary rock formation. And imagine if we were as familiar with the concept of the death of others and ourselves as we are the general rules of soccer.

I'm not asking for a giant revolution where death is discussed every Friday afternoon. I'm not looking to introduce the macabre or gratuitous violence and I'm certainly not opening the quagmire of speculation of what happens after death, religious or otherwise.

I'm talking about breaking stigma, sharing facts, and giving sound advice for the preparation of the inevitable. Death is sometimes considered the last taboo. You might say, "yeah but kids today are obsessed with death and violence on media and video games. Why should they talk about it at school?" The portrayal of death in media is a cheap, artificial, substitute to something that is somber, sacred, and very real. The overload of violence and death in The Walking Dead or Grand Theft Auto is a misdirect. It's actually avoiding the topic of real death. It is death's equivalent to porn. Unrealistic expectations with a cheap devaluing of one of the most sacred human experiences.

So what should be taught in death education?

I haven't figured this out completely and am looking for collaboration with experts from other fields. Here are a few ideas that I've gleaned from experts. By the way, experts in death are almost exclusively physicians. This makes sense but... is that really who we want leading our exit from this life? I challenge you to look up the term death doula and tell me what you think of the concept.

1) Quality of end of life taught in lifespan development.
With modern technology and advances in health care we can make a safe bet that the majority of us are going to die in and because of old age. This has not been the case for human history. While we are living longer than ever, we do not get more years added to our adolescence rather we get more geriatric years. I think the general social construct of aging tells us that we are meant to just kind of fade away into obscurity and relevance as we become weaker and less productive members of society. I know the quality of life I want to enjoy leading up to the end and it breaks my heart to read that the grand majority of us will not have an end anywhere near this dream. Most people want to die at home surrounded by family. Most people die in hospitals surrounded by health professionals.
There is research and theory that tells us that life can and does have meaning and joy up until the very end. Most lifespan development courses leave the last stage as a footnote.
Judy Macdonald-Johnston states that most people at the end of life want a quiet reassurance. They want to know that their legacy is left in good hands. That their families will be ok. Unfortunately, may people die in hospitals while their family is either far away or so distressed (largely due to their inexperience and lack of preparation for their loved one's death) that they are not able to be present with their loved one as they take their final breath. A lot of death anxiety (at the very moment prior to death, not your garden variety existential angst) is due to the dying feeling anxious or guilty about being a burden on their loved ones. Imagine if someone could teach young people that what grandma really wants is for you to say, "I love you Grandma. I'll miss you. But I'll be ok." Then grandma's last breath is one of relief.
Isn't this important enough to be in the curriculum?

2)How to plan  for death to reduce death anxiety and family conflict taught in Career and Life Management
We should be talking to estate lawyers and consulting with places like www.goodendoflife.com so that children know for their loved ones how they want their lives to play out when this is the case. Where do you want to be if your physician says you have 6 months of life left? Hospital, home, or hospice? Do you want to be resuscitated or put in breathing machines or feeding tubes to extend your life? (Notice I said extend your life rather than save your life. Let's not kid ourselves). Some people are miserable in those machines and it extends their lives and the suffering of them and their loved ones for 3 weeks. Maybe you want to hold on to every possible chance and if that's the case then it's well within your rights but when the time arrives it turns out that many people don't want those options but nobody has ever talked to them about it so nobody knows what to do.
Do you know who is going to make those hard decisions for you? Are your closest loved ones going to be objective enough to carry out your wishes? How are you going to document your wishes? Given your condition you're likely to be heading to the emergency room regularly, it would be wise to be hospital ready at all times, having IDs and other documents in a ready-to-go envelope. Who teaches us this?
Do you know what you want your final words to be? Do you know what your parents or grandparents want their final words to be? Ask them! Document it. Have it ready. It will be incredibly beneficial to those who are eventually going to mourn.

3) How to talk with someone who is dying in Communications
If someone asks your if they are going to die and the answer is yes... how do you respond? Millions of people have been in this position and there is a collected wisdom about what tends to work... But we don't talk about it so nobody knows.
We need to be taught that we are not doing anyone favours by trying comfort the dying with lies. In reality we are trying to comfort ourselves and avoid scary conversations which is more about us than them and if there is any time that should be about them it is THIS time. You might have missed a birthday or two but being there for someone on their deathbed is of ultimate importance in my view. Don't let your fear stop you from having a meaningful and loving and connecting dialogue with your dying loved one.
Truth brings inner peace. When people know they are going to die, typically they feel at rest. I haven't had the benefit of really observing this yet but that's what the literature says. Stop pitying them. You will take their death way harder than they will. Isn't that kind of funny. Matthew O'Reilly teaches us that in the end what we need to do is let them know that they are forgiven for all their wrongs (we all have them), they will be remembered, and their lives were and will be rich with meaning. That is the ultimate send off. Who teaches us that? When are you going to learn that?

There's more to it than that but I'm going to end here and maybe write a second part to this later. Am I out to lunch here? Is this not incredibly important for us to know? How else can we disseminate this message? What else needs to be taught about death? Comments welcomed.