Touch
On July 20th, 2013 I felt my unborn child kick for the first time. It was my first interaction with my son or daughter.
My brain lit up. I was filled with a warm feeling that everything was ok. That life was meaningful. Biologically, the reason for this warm sensation was the rush of oxytocin being released by my nervous system. Oxytocin is often considered the cuddle hormone. It's that feeling you get from Christmas morning or a warm hug. Oxytocin is released both for baby and mother during nursing. It's released at orgasm. Oxytocin bonds us to people and experiences.
Research has shown that babies' health will often deteriorate dramatically without touch. Some argue that this need for human physical connection doesn't end in infancy. We all need to feel connected to others and it is often through touch that we establish, maintain, or strengthen these connections. Without it we experience what some call touch hunger. Babies crave it. Even and especially boys. Boys or more likely to be deprived of touch. Baby boys are typically held for a significantly less amount of time that girls. Boys often use rough house playing to satisfy this need to connect with other people. By adulthood however, many men and women as well, are virtually devoid of any human touch. No cuddling, no hugs, maybe not even handshakes. If touch is essential to our well-being and we are living our day to day lives barren of any physical connection to those around us, how then does this need get met? How will the natural need for touch and affection go sideways?
Some people have conditioned their brains through repeated pornography viewing accompanied with masturbation that they have literally bonded to their computer or to pornography itself. It has become their most faithful and reliable relationship.
Some find that they can only depend on food to give them that rush. They are too afraid to let anyone in lest they be hurt so they nurture their most trustworthy companion: food.
If you struggle with filling the void left by touch hunger maybe your recovery starts with finding at least one person with whom you can be thoroughly open and honest and say, "I need a hug".
Personally, I'm blessed to have people like that but for now even a tiny, faint, kick from a special someone does the trick.
My brain lit up. I was filled with a warm feeling that everything was ok. That life was meaningful. Biologically, the reason for this warm sensation was the rush of oxytocin being released by my nervous system. Oxytocin is often considered the cuddle hormone. It's that feeling you get from Christmas morning or a warm hug. Oxytocin is released both for baby and mother during nursing. It's released at orgasm. Oxytocin bonds us to people and experiences.
Research has shown that babies' health will often deteriorate dramatically without touch. Some argue that this need for human physical connection doesn't end in infancy. We all need to feel connected to others and it is often through touch that we establish, maintain, or strengthen these connections. Without it we experience what some call touch hunger. Babies crave it. Even and especially boys. Boys or more likely to be deprived of touch. Baby boys are typically held for a significantly less amount of time that girls. Boys often use rough house playing to satisfy this need to connect with other people. By adulthood however, many men and women as well, are virtually devoid of any human touch. No cuddling, no hugs, maybe not even handshakes. If touch is essential to our well-being and we are living our day to day lives barren of any physical connection to those around us, how then does this need get met? How will the natural need for touch and affection go sideways?
Some people have conditioned their brains through repeated pornography viewing accompanied with masturbation that they have literally bonded to their computer or to pornography itself. It has become their most faithful and reliable relationship.
Some find that they can only depend on food to give them that rush. They are too afraid to let anyone in lest they be hurt so they nurture their most trustworthy companion: food.
If you struggle with filling the void left by touch hunger maybe your recovery starts with finding at least one person with whom you can be thoroughly open and honest and say, "I need a hug".
Personally, I'm blessed to have people like that but for now even a tiny, faint, kick from a special someone does the trick.
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