Addicted to sex?

So I am a sex addiction therapist. Some of you might be thinking... oh come on. If sex addiction is a real thing then shouldn't 95% of the population be in treatment?Isn't sexual drive just a natural force? Isn't this just a case of rampant conservatism imposing their strict and puritanical morals on the rest of society? Or you might wonder what kind of creepy perverts I meet everyday and what kind of crazy disturbing topics are discussed in any given group session. You might wonder how dealing with people who self-identify as sex addicts affects me and my relationships? Allow me first to enlighten you on the controversial topic of sex addiction. This issue is not a matter of how much sex you have or what kind of "deviance" or "kink" you prefer. It's not directly a morally prescriptive problem either (ie. pornography is bad therefore if you watch it regularly you're addicted). It is not the same thing as sex offending. Not all sex offenders are compulsive and not all compulsives are sex offenders. And it is certainly NOT an excuse. (ie. I'm a sex addict so I'm not responsible for my multiple affairs). Society has accepted the fact that people can become addicted to substances (this is a relatively novel idea itself). What does this actually mean? It means that some people have a pathological relationship with a mood altering substance. It means that consumption of this substance has become out of the person's control, that the problem has become unmanageable, and despite negative consequences, the person has not been able to stop. Process addictions are similar except that they are pathological relationships with mood altering experiences. Gambling is a big one. The possibility of winning causes people to continue despite adverse consequences. But what if the experience is something necessary to human survival? Are you addicted to breathing? No. Because the key element of an addiction is adverse or negative consequences. It needs to cause physical and/or emotional strife. Sex and sexual drive is natural and wonderful. It motivates us to connect with other human beings at the deepest most intimate level. There are instances when sexual behaviours lie outside of a person's values and morals, and this is entirely subjective. One person might draw the line at viewing pornography and masturbating while another may have no issue with this behaviour. When someone compulsively returns to sexual behaviours that lie outside of their values despite negative consequences they heading towards a "bad" relationship with a "good" thing. If they consistently finding themselves feeling hopelessness, shame, fear of being caught, or fear of sexually transmitted diseases and yet continue their sexual behaviour, they need to realize that their behaviour is no longer in their control and they need to seek help... This is getting long so I will finish this thought in another post on another day. By the way I'd love feedback or questions.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Restoring the heart of Te Fiti

Image
Can you recall a time when you felt attacked? Maybe it was a physical attack if you were so unfortunate but I'm primarily thinking of an attack of a more emotional variety. Recall the visceral response of defense that was triggered in your body. Your desire to find safety through either running away and hiding or striking back with equal or greater force than what was originally thrust upon you. Were you able then to identify the limits of your humanity as you sought or at least fantasized about retribution? Are you able to recall those extremes today? When we are hurt, backed up against a wall, scared; we have a defense strategy that typically lies dormant underneath layers of personality and humanity that, when surfaced, is capable of remarkably terrible behaviour. Our fear can incite and invoke our fiercest monsters. The monsters of some lie closer to the surface that those of others but rest assured we all have them and they when they arise they are looking for conflict becau
Read more

What you SHOULD NOT learn from '13 Reasons Why'

Image
I heard a lot of buzz around this new show on Netflix called '13 Reasons Why' which was about a teenage girl who sent tapes to kids in her high school explaining why she had killed herself. My first impression was that this was going to be teenage drama trash and I had no interest in watching it. I was certain that the critics were bang on with their assessment that this was a terrible show for teens and that it could be a contributing factor to the glamorization and misunderstanding of suicide that I have seen, having worked in a high school with a history of such tragedy. The hub-bub was growing beyond your regular teen drama however, and as people started asking my take on the show, I began considering watching the series so that I could give an honest opinion. Throw in the fact that my wife was also curious and she and I rarely find a show that piques both our interests, and we had enough reasons to watch '13 Reasons' every night after our kids were in bed. So l
Read more

Political Psychology Lesson #1 - The Dunning-Kruger Effect

Image
"A little knowledge is a dangerous thing." - Alexander Pope Hello everyone, I'm Zac Rhodenizer, the Alberta Party candidate for Lethbridge West and I'm sharing some tips from the field of psychology that can help us make sense of the election on the horizon. I'm going to start with the Dunning-Kruger effect which states that the more knowledge and expertise a person has in a given subject, especially one as complex and nuanced as politics, economics, or human behaviour, the less certain that person is in their assertions. This is because as you start to understand how complex the issues are you start to "know what you don't know" and it induces a sort of intellectual humility. You may have a better idea about what is likely to be the case but you avoid black and white statements of absolute truth, because you know better. In contrast, when you know a little bit in a given field, you tend to overestimate your competence level. Nobody knows more
Read more